Turns out I’ve got your standard viral conjunctivitis, which I probably picked up from some snotty three-year old. The doctor’s given me some antibiotic eyedrops just in case it’s bacterial, but mostly I’ve just got to wait until it clears itself up.

So for the next few days, I’ll be doing my rock star impression, wearing sunglasses 24/7. I’m so cool, I can hardly stand myself.